Im all growed up now, my bro, who's a cunt, thinks im a bender. For the record, i hate homo's. Homosexuality does have its place in society tho, between to consenting lesbos!!
He says this cos im always out, getting wasted, and never bring any chicks home. Im just picky thats all, and too far gone to manage women mostly.
Anyway, the love drug is a big part of my life right now, in a nutshell, im full of urges, but completely incapable. there were a cpl more lucky ladies who witnessed the power of the lamb ' inator, who gorged on my middle leg of lamb, there was a regrettable one off, while it was a good sess', it was a mistake. I also think i probably damaged her, cos i had to carry her to the car, and dump her round at her parents. She couldnt walk bless her. (she was still tied up and in wrapped in a duvet case tho!)
Anyway, time has passed, the rave scene had claimed a good few years of my life, and i have no fucking idea what day or year it really is,.
Im working at tomo's now, a furniture place, where im the top dude, life is easy, im doing well at work and am in charge of the export side of things at work. Quite a responsible job, and physically demanding, so im in decent shape, still going out EVERY weekend and getting 'mullered'.
Theres a lot of lads at work, we all get on good, abd I help them out when theyre having a night out by bringing sweets to work. Even the manager is a customer!
Its a friday, one of the lads is a bit mental, and over indulges in chemicals, we'll call him Frank for now, he loves amphetamines, just speed. I knew a lad that supplied it in sticky paste, in a niutshell, you mix it 5 parts glucose to 1 part paste, then u get the street version of speed, not this kid though, he did it pure, and oh my god could you tell!! This one day he'd been at work one saturday, and like a dick, thought it would be a laugh to do some in at work so he could work super fast. Anyway the daft cunt overheated, and had a panick attack. Rather than come to one of the 50 lads he knew, that could have said, go sit down and drink some water, he went to the office and spoke to another manager, no grassing, just told them what he did. So within minutes we were all ordered to hand in our car keys for a vehicle search!!
Oh no!! Im no dealer, dont get me wrong. But back in the days, everyone knew someone for getting hold of something! This particular saturday, Id been asked to sort a few people out with some supplies, and in my ashtray were 50 or so 'head ache tablets', with pictures of little dicckie birds on, along side a joint, ready for the drive home, and scattered across the car was piles of reefa parifinalia. This search wasnt looking good.
One of the managers was an ex army officer, I saw him in the car next to mine, searching, and the sweat was dripping down my forehead. Just then, another manager turned up, we'll call him Dave, he announced he was to search my car. Fortunately for me, the headache tablets were for him!! Fucking result. But this got me thinking, and then sometime after this event I had a mishap with a carrier bag full of sleepy powder, and fell asleep for the best part of a week!!! Fuck this life I thought, somethin needs to change. I gave the last bits of paste to Jacko to sell, just for the record, this was £200 of paste, should have been mixed/cut 5 times to make a grand. The retard did the lot in, and didnt sleep for over a week!!
Anyway, its coming up to my 21st birthday now, one of the perks of being in charge was the 'allowed skiving'. It was my priveledge to do the sandwich run, theres usuallt 25 or so working on saturdays, and it takes a while for this lot to be cooked, plus when u tell everyone its £1.50 for BSE, and you get it all cheaper, theres a few quid to be made too.
Theres this lass in the office though, who always has cheese salad, with mayo. She only looks young, id have guessed about 16/17, so im careful with my tongue, and just give the odd cheeky remark, the favourite being ' do u want some of my special mayo instead', lol, she always said 'ooh yes please', (what a fuclin lie that turned out to be!!) abyway, ive handed out my invites, except for one, cos i dont know her name, and im not sure if shes old enough, and truth be told, I quite fancy shagging her, but a) i think shes a bit young, and b) she mike tell me to piss off. Although she does strut around the warehouse a lot with her perties pointing at us all (or just me as it turned out later), anyway, this guy whos a godsend, called Yad (paul really) came over to my bay one day, and asked me if he could bring Emily from the office (thats not her real name, but I have been warned not to use it) as his pls 1, I was a bit shocked, he was an office dork, and hes taking her? maybe shes older than i thought. Anyway, he told me straight away that shes asked if he would take cos she fancies me. Well! as luck would have it, I had her invite on my desk anyway, so he bullied me into giving her it, so to speak, it was like that moment at school when you give the girl a note that says something sweet, and u shit yourself incase she laughs. Anyway, I just walsed over and chucked in on her desk, cool as fuck I was.
I could tell by her face that she'd just saturated her knickers with excitement, this is it, Im guaranteed some action!! The party night arrived, good old layerthorpe wmc. Massive room, and it was packed out. I was one of the last to arrive, my dad rang to say hurry up, theres a couple of really fit lasses asking for Ash (that was my name at work, for many reasons) then he rang again, and again, these chicks were queing up for some action. I had a choice to make, it was dead easy, Emily spent most of the night watching me shagging a blow up sheep the lads had bought for me, then after a few rounds of top shelf liquors, i was arseholed, on top of that M and K, had been skinning up all night so I was probably chucking a few whiteys too. I came out of the bogs having just wiped the carrots from my mouth and chin, only to be approached by Emily, who looked well sexy. One of the lads got bored watching me trying to make a move and just grabbed both our heads and bvanged them together, that was it. She probably could taste the sick, but didnt seem bothered, it was almost like a prequel to 2 girls 1 cup, but more of a 1 girl, and id already chucked up! Anyway, the attraction must have been too great for her, as she clearly wanted my by now pulsating weapon of mas-turbation inside her, so she dragged me to the toilets, where I remember giving her the time of her life. A few years later she corrected me, apparently I was practically unconscious, she had a play, and we exchanged numbers, and I couldnt manage anything else!!!!
Anyway, neither of us rang each other, twas a saturday again, I was hoping she'd be at work, she only did occasional saturdays, but there she was, sat on the desk, wearing a wool dress, which was very short, I didnt know what to say, so i smiled and winked. That turned out to be the right thing to do, as an hour or so later we were in the main office together, which is normall empty on a sturday, and not everyone can get in. So there she is, sat on the desk, I can almost see her clunge the dress is so short. My trousers cant contain much more pressure. We start talking, it soon turns to smut, she giggles and encourages me, weve pretty much decided were gonna christen this big office, so Im about to give her the time of her life. BY THIS POINT, PETE, THE GM, WHO HAS OBVIOUSLY BEEN SAT QUIETLY WORKING IN THE USUALLY EMPTY OFFICE JUST POPS UP FROM FUCKING NOWHERE!!!
Ash he says, I think you should carry on this conversation after work, and not in here!! Oh My God, talk about embarrassing, thats a written warning for me anyway. I met her the following friday, she was at an ann summers party, she waited outside in the wall of the fox n hounds, leather mini skirt and them shag me boots on. We went into her mates houyse, drank a bit, smoked lots of dope, and had a play while her mates all disappeared. I then offered to take her home, this was about 12 midnight, we got to the car, but it didnt set off til about 7 am!! Yeehaa, This was by far the nmost fantastic experience of my life, it was like a snap shot of a million porno's. I must have cum about 10 times that night, over 7 hours of non stop action. Honest to god, this was it, based just on this night, she is defintely 'the one'. Anyway, i had to drop her off at home, and went straight to work! The lads all thiught id been out raving, I must have looked a bit drained, i fucking was!
Anyway, the next few weeks were pretty much the same, Id found the ability to last for hours, constantly ready to start again, I am officially a fucking stud! Every spare minute was like a german porn movie, its that good, and were so keen on each other weve already decided we'll be getting married some day.
She knew one sunday night that shed already been accepted as a member of the family. We were in bed, missionary, she was squeeling as usually, cos im hung like a donkey. My dad had been to the club, I heard him shout through the door, 'Jay, are u decent?', NO I said, with that he came in, sat on the bed, and told us a joke!! She just laid there looking confused, but that was the moment I realised, she is one of us now.
We spent the next couple of years shagging constantly, and eventually moved in together, we lived in a shite house off lawrence street, but it was just a shag pad really, we moved to a nice flat, then got married. This is about the time when the honey moon period ends, and sex becomes something that you earn from a woman!
We got married anway, and bought our first house, and we were having quite the romance.
This one night, it had been a while since she'd emptied my sack, I had such an urge, and wanted to hear some screaming so I hatched a plan, and with the aid of an ann summers cock ring, thought id show her some moves. The following scenes may be disturbing to some readers.
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